Sunday, January 20, 2013

A restless journey

A life of trials, always in short of green notes
Followed by three long sick months.
Dawned a new path, the path of knowledge
filled with eight hours of joy,
another eight hours of doubting words.
Even coins in shortage, but forced to spend
my hours in company of the rich and wealthy.
Sympathy, a cruel weapon, for no match to it
to inflict injury on a wounded heart.

Dawned a bright sunny cheerful morn
With happy tidings of a new job.
Began an eventful journey of which the
first came a series of roommates.
Spiteful words, spit out  on roads
in full glare of public view,
asked to move out in the middle
of a cold cruel night.
Days of hardwork, food long forgotten
computer my only solace
praise at work the best medicine.

Hardwork opened doors to a new frontier
crossing two oceans to travel far.
Work became an ocean filled with
Sharks here and sharks there
escape one, only to land in the jaws of another.
Saving myself became a full time occupation
Both at work and at the home front.

Three long years of slavery gave a lot of guts
to throw away the so called fortune
and return back I did to my motherland
to be greeted with a volley of sick words
from none other than my own kith and kin.
No place did I have to call as home,
and I ram again to the city of sultry and sun.

House owners a regular torture
added to hours of drudgery at work
workplace so far removed
that hours at work were few than hours
spent in hopping from bus to bus.

Came in the man of my dreams
when I expected it the very least.
Talking to him alone gave my soul
the peace and comfort that I had long lost.
We fell in love and dared everything else
for what more does life need than
what we dared do for each other.

Years of separation and yearning
struggles to get my family to
agree to our idea of a perfect marriage.
Yes, it did happen atlast and
we were happily married.

Ironic though that the happy marriage
was true only on weekends
for weekdays we spent apart for
the thirst for green notes was still chasing us.

A new life within me, the culmination
of our thoughts, sharing and life.
A period of joy, happiness and sickness
yet, an eye opener in many ways.
It gave us the guts to throw away
the dreaded IT job and live together
but the together brought with it
difficulties from a new front.

All the plans to build our partnerships
came tumbling down for what
we had dared to do three years back
was suddenly considered tabboo for me alone.
We had to pave our path again
though none really understood what we did
in spite of questions we pursued
and spent every single minute together.

Surrounded by a chauvnistic society
where the ladies lived in mirth all day
brain washing their men folk with ease
or making it miserable for everyone at home
By hook or crook their will prevailed
for that was considered the ultimate victory.

Menfolk spent their time sympathising
with their family, or immersed in drunken mayhem
Some evoke deep sympathy, yet others
make it impossible for everyone else.
It took all the my strength to fight the
pregnancy hormones, for my eyes seemed
to fill up with tears at the smallest excuse.

But the men and women around were
changing their masks so quickly
that I barely had time to realise what
they did to themselves and to my life.
When realisation dawned, I could not
make my better half understand for
it becomes easier to accept imperfections
that you are used to from your birth.

Nature brought things to an end,
and months after came the time
for the birth of our bundle of joy.
three months of sleepless nights
and busy days, followed by yet
another three months of housework,
cooking, cleaning and sharing time
with my precious new born.
Promises of my own kith and kin
yet again proved to be of no vain
for they let me go it alone
when I most needed their physical
help and words of comfort.

Started a play of double faces
by my newly found family
caring and protective at one side
yet critical and cursing at the other side
forced am I to see these two sides
day in and day out, for they come
behind me everywhere I go.

Making my better half understand
my struggles with two faces
again proved futile, for imperfects
seen from the birth are easier to accept.
It hurts when this is forced on me
for no way do I have to share this struggle
no one do I have to sympathise with myself.

A known devil is better than the unknown fire
can IT probably be a better way out than
enduring a life of confinement and hypocrisy.
I ask myself this again and again, for can
love really ignore the sufferings of one half
and let the other half live in peace?
Willl nature  ever show me a way out,
for now I have no where to go or
no one to turn to, even for a few wise words.

I have in my hands a new born, and an empty
over turned purse, yet I know to lead a life
accepting hypocrisy and sacrificng self-respect
is akin to a life not lived at all....
Will me dearest better half ever understand me?
or will he just blame it on me to have turned back
on what... I know not till now.

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